It’s back! Dancing On Ice, the celebrity ‘reality’ show that demands the most work of the contestants while offering the least reward. Seriously, which of the former winners have gone on to do particularly well? We reckon you’d even struggle to remember who actually won in previous years. Go on, try and remember Sam Attwater or Hayley Tamaddon. Or Gaynor Faye. Yet these poor people have to spend weeks learning not only how to skate but how to dance while skating. No easy task.
Anyhow, here are the runners and riders for the new series, which kicks of on ITV on Sunday the 6th of January.
Anthea Turner
Anthea hasn’t been on our TV screens much since the ill-advised incident at her marriage to Grant Bovey when they ate Cadbury’s chocolate bars for money. A cheap stunt that backfired quite severely and which Anthea probably doesn’t want anyone to mention any more. Oops.
Beth Tweddle
Beth is an multi-medal winning artistic gymnast, which must surely make her a favourite to win the show. All she has to do is learn to skate and she should walk it. Bit of a ringer, truth be told.
Gareth Thomas
2013 should be quite a year for Gareth as he is due to be the subject of a Hollywood biopic. Mickey Rourke was due to be playing Gareth but has recently dropped out, presumably because the film would have to end with Gareth’s appearance on Dancing On Ice and Rourke would look insane in lycra.
Joe Pasquale
Come on Pasquale, you’ve already been King of the Jungle. Let someone else have a go!
Keith Chegwin
Here’s hoping Cheggers doesn’t decide to make this series of Dancing On Ice the second time he’s appeared on TV nude.
Lauren Goodger
The latest of the woeful crop of ‘scripted reality’ show ‘stars’ to make the move to ‘proper’ ‘reality’ shows, Lauren will be rubbish at skating. You watch, rubbish.
Luke Campbell
Hull’s Olympic boxing hero, Luke has wasted no time in making a bid for TV stardom. You’d think he’d be to busy building a boxing career to take part but apparently not.
Matt Lapinskas
This year’s token Ex-Eastender. We’re seriously struggling to remember who he played. Was it Dirty Den?
Oona King
So Oona used to be an MP but lost her seat to George Galloway, then Galloway went on Celebrity Big Brother and made a complete fool of himself, now he’s an MP again. Will Oona be attempting to do the same thing by making a complete fool of herself on Dancing On Ice and then running for parliament again? We hope so.
Pamela Anderson
A few years ago, getting Pamela Anderson on Dancing On Ice would have been a genuine coup. Now it just weems weird. One for the dads, though.
Samia Ghadie
This year’s token Corrie star. ITV know how to get the most value from their salaried artistes, don’t they.
Shayne Ward
Go on, think real hard, you remember the name don’t you, yes, no, do you want a clue? OK, he won X Factor. No? Still don’t remember? Neither do we.
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